I Understand. I Just Don’t Get It! By Nelson Paul-Akhabue

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It’s a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon here, and many of us Christians have been to our various centers of corporate worship. The Preacher has most likely delivered a ‘message’ that now has us feeling recharged, hopeful and ready to take on the week.
But the truth is many of us went to church today with our ‘demons’, and we are back home with them. One such ‘demon’ that I know a lot of ladies in and outside the Church are battling with is this: “I am in a relationship with a man I love an awful lot, but in more ways than one he treats me like dirt. And for some strange reason I just CAN’T leave him.”

To borrow the words of R&B crooner, Joe Thomas, in his 2001 song, ‘I Understand’. Yes I do understand that with matters of the heart things are not that simple and straight forward sometimes, and the head almost always bows to the heart causing a conflict, which several divas have aptly expressed.
Alicia Keys, for instance, in Fallin’ put it like this: ‘…Sometimes I feel good, at times I feel used. Lovin’ you, darlin’ makes me so confused.’ And as if that was not beautifully said already, she went on to nail it even further: ‘…I never felt this way. How do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain? Just when I think I’ve taken more than would a fool, I start fallin’ back in love with you’.
And the result of that curious mix is what we know as a ‘love-hate relationship’ where you hate how much you love him (Rihanna paraphrased). I need not emphasize that these are not just mere artistic expressions of commerce-driven divas; they are in fact the heart’s cry of many a lady: your beautiful, all-put-together colleague at work, your tongues-speaking church department member, your lovely daughter or your dear sister.
Today, I have no answers.
To some extent, yes I think I understand, but then again, I don’t get it. So, like Joe and borrowing his words, I’m at once saying and asking:
‘Why don’t you take those chains, and break those chains? No love should cause you so much pain. Why don’t you walk away before it gets too late? Leave him now…Love should never hurt.’
Why? This is my question today. Why would you rather stay in an abusive relationship where you are mistreated, serially cheated on, unloved and unvalued, when you are not even yet married to him?
I know you are not a fool, so there must be a reason. Care to share?
Y’all have a profitable week.
God keep us.

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